Showing posts with label Relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationship. Show all posts
Awesome Loving Mummy (A Must Read)
When I was a kid, Mum liked to make food for dinner. I remember one night in particular when she had made dinner after a long, hard day at work. On that evening, Mum placed a plate of bread, jam and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet, all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smiled at my Mum and asked me how my day was at school. I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember hearing my Mum apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said: "Honey, I love burned biscuits." Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your mum had a long hard day at work today and she's really tired. And besides... A burnt biscuit never hurt anyone but harsh words do!"
You know, life is full of imperfect things...and imperfect people. I'm not the best. What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each others faults and choosing to celebrate each others differences, is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing and lasting relationship.
So...please pass me a biscuit. And yes, the burnt one will do just fine!
Please pass this along to someone who has enriched your life...I just did!
Life is too short to wake up with regrets... Love the people who treat you right and have compassion for the ones who don't.
Woman has 5 husbands who are all brothers – and she sleeps with a different one each night
Husband Guddu, 21 – the first to make her his bride insisted: “We all have sex with her but I’m not jealous. We’re one big happy family.” Guddu and Rajo got married in an arranged Hindu marriage four years ago and he remains her only official spouse.
But the custom in their village is she had to take as husbands his brothers Bajju, 32, Sant Ram, 28, Gopal, 26, and Dinesh – who married her last year when he turned 18.
Eldest brother Bajju said: “I consider her my wife and sleep with her like my brothers.” Rajo cooks, cleans and looks after 18-month-old Jay while her hubbies go out to work in Dehradun, northern India.
She said of the ancient tradition, called polyandry: “My mother was also married to three brothers so when I got wed I knew I had to accept all of them as my husbands.
“I sleep with them in turn. We don’t have beds, just lots of blankets on the floor.
“I get a lot more attention and love than most wives.”
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AWOOOO!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AWOOOO!!!
Chief Obafemi Awolowo, 1909-1987
Premier of Western Nigeria
In office - October 1, 1954 – October 1, 1960
Succeeded by Samuel Akintola
Personal details
Born March 6, 1909
Ikenne, Ogun State
Died May 9, 1987 (aged 78) @Ikenne
Political party Unity Party of Nigeria (1978-1987)
Action Group (1950-1966)
Profession: Lawyer
Religion Christian
Chief Jeremiah Obafemi Awolowo (Yoruba: Ọbáfẹ́mi Awólọ́wọ̀; March 6, 1909 – May 9, 1987), commonly known as Awo and often referred to as the sage, was one of Nigeria's founding fathers.[1] His first name, Obafemi, means 'The king loves me' and the surname Awolowo means 'The mystic, or mysticism, commands honour or respect'. A Yoruba and native of Ikenne in Ogun State of Nigeria, he started his career as a nationalist in the Nigerian Youth Movement like some of his pre-independence contemporaries and was responsible for many of the progressive social legislations that have made Nigeria a modern nation.[2] He was an active journalist and trade unionist as a young man, editing The Nigerian Worker amongst other publications while also organizing the Nigerian Produce Traders Association and serving as secretary of the Nigerian Motor Transport Union. After earning a Bachelor of Commerce degree in Nigeria from a London University through correspondence, he went to the UK where he earned a law degree as an external student. While there, he founded the Egbe Omo Oduduwa, a pan-Yoruba cultural society, which set the stage for the formation of the Action Group, a liberal and nationalist political party. As Leader of the Group, he represented the Western Region in all the constitutional conferences intended to advance Nigeria on the path to independence. He was the first Leader of Government Business and Minister of Local Government and Finance and first Premier of the Western Region under Nigeria's parliamentary system, from 1952 to 1959, and was the official Leader of the Opposition in the federal parliament to the Balewa government from 1959 to 1963. In addition to all these, Awolowo was the first individual in the modern era to be referred to as Leader of the Yorubas (Yoruba:Asiwaju Omo Oodua), a title which has come over time to be conventionally ascribed to his direct successors as the recognised political leader of the elders and young members of the Yoruba nation of Nigeria.
Chief Obafemi Awolowo was born on March 6, 1909 in Ikenne, present day Ogun State Nigeria.[3] His father was a farmer and sawyer who died when Obafemi was only seven years old. He attended various schools, and then became a teacher in Abeokuta, after which he qualified as a shorthand typist. Subsequently, he served as a clerk at the famous Wesley college, as well as a correspondent for the Nigerian Times.[4] It was after this that he embarked on various business ventures to help raise funds to travel to the UK for further studies.[citation needed] In 1949 Awolowo founded the Nigerian Tribune, the oldest surviving private Nigerian newspaper, which he used to spread nationalist consciousness among his fellow Nigerians.[5]
[edit]Politics
Awolowo was Nigeria's foremost federalist. In his Path to Nigerian Freedom (1947) — the first systematic federalist manifesto by a Nigerian politician — he advocated federalism as the only basis for equitable national integration and, as head of the Action Group, he led demands for a federal constitution, which was introduced in the 1954 Lyttleton Constitution, following primarily the model proposed by the Western Region delegation led by him. As premier, he proved to be and was viewed as a man of vision and a dynamic administrator. Awolowo was also the country's leading social democratic politician.[6] He supported limited public ownership and limited central planning in government.[7] He believed that the state should channel Nigeria's resources into education and state-led infrastructural development.[8] Controversially, and at considerable expense, he introduced free primary education for all in the Western Region, established the first television service in Africa in 1959, and the Oduduwa Group, all of which were financed from the highly lucrative cocoa industry which was the mainstay of the regional economy.
in Western Nigeria
From the eve of independence, he led the Action Group as the Leader of the Opposition at the federal parliament, leaving Samuel Ladoke Akintola as the Western Region Premier. Serious disagreements between Awolowo and Akintola on how to run the western region led the latter to an alliance with the Tafawa Balewa-led NPC federal government. A constitutional crisis led to a declaration of a state of emergency in the Western Region, eventually resulting in a widespread breakdown of law and order.
Excluded from national government, Awolowo and his party faced an increasingly precarious position. Akintola's followers, angered at their exclusion from power, formed the Nigerian National Democratic Party (NNDP) under Akintola's leadership. Having previously suspended the elected Western Regional Assembly, the federal government then reconstituted the body after new elections that brought Akintola's NNDP into power. Shortly afterwards Awolowo and several disciples were arrested, charged, convicted and jailed for conspiring with some Ghanaian authorities under Kwame Nkrumah to overthrow the federal government. [10] The remnants of the Action Group fought the National election of 1965 in alliance with the largely Igbo, and south-eastern NCNC. Amid accusations of fraud from the NCNC-AG camp, the NPC-NNDP won the election; the AG supporters reacted with violent riots in some parts of the Western region. Awolowo was later freed and pardoned by the military administration. He was much later appointed the Federal Commissioner of Finance and Vice-President of the Federal Executive Council, by Yakubu Gowon's military administration. This took place in the unsettled circumstances immediately preceding the Civil War.
[edit]Free Universal Primary Health and Education
Awolowo pioneered free health care till the age of 18 in Nigeria in the Western Region and also free and mandatory primary education. Although, Awolowo failed to win the 1979 and 1983 presidential elections of the Second Republic, he polled the second highest number of votes and his polices of free education and health were carried out throughout all the states controlled by his party, the Unity Party of Nigeria.
[edit]Legacy
Awolowo is remembered for his remarkable integrity, ardent nationalism, principled and virile opposition and dogged federalistic convictions. His party was the first to move the motion for Nigeria's independence in the federal parliament and he obtained internal self-government for the Western Region in 1957. He is credited with coining the name 'naira' for the Nigerian standard monetary unit and helped to finance the Civil War and preserve the federation without borrowing. He built the Liberty Stadium in Ibadan, the first of its kind in Africa; established the WNTV, the first television station in Africa; erected the first skyscraper in tropical Africa: the Cocoa House (still the tallest in Ibadan) and ran a widely-respected civil service in the Western Region.
Chief Obafemi Awolowo, 1909-1987
Premier of Western Nigeria
In office - October 1, 1954 – October 1, 1960
Succeeded by Samuel Akintola
Personal details
Born March 6, 1909
Ikenne, Ogun State
Died May 9, 1987 (aged 78) @Ikenne
Political party Unity Party of Nigeria (1978-1987)
Action Group (1950-1966)
Profession: Lawyer
Religion Christian
Chief Jeremiah Obafemi Awolowo (Yoruba: Ọbáfẹ́mi Awólọ́wọ̀; March 6, 1909 – May 9, 1987), commonly known as Awo and often referred to as the sage, was one of Nigeria's founding fathers.[1] His first name, Obafemi, means 'The king loves me' and the surname Awolowo means 'The mystic, or mysticism, commands honour or respect'. A Yoruba and native of Ikenne in Ogun State of Nigeria, he started his career as a nationalist in the Nigerian Youth Movement like some of his pre-independence contemporaries and was responsible for many of the progressive social legislations that have made Nigeria a modern nation.[2] He was an active journalist and trade unionist as a young man, editing The Nigerian Worker amongst other publications while also organizing the Nigerian Produce Traders Association and serving as secretary of the Nigerian Motor Transport Union. After earning a Bachelor of Commerce degree in Nigeria from a London University through correspondence, he went to the UK where he earned a law degree as an external student. While there, he founded the Egbe Omo Oduduwa, a pan-Yoruba cultural society, which set the stage for the formation of the Action Group, a liberal and nationalist political party. As Leader of the Group, he represented the Western Region in all the constitutional conferences intended to advance Nigeria on the path to independence. He was the first Leader of Government Business and Minister of Local Government and Finance and first Premier of the Western Region under Nigeria's parliamentary system, from 1952 to 1959, and was the official Leader of the Opposition in the federal parliament to the Balewa government from 1959 to 1963. In addition to all these, Awolowo was the first individual in the modern era to be referred to as Leader of the Yorubas (Yoruba:Asiwaju Omo Oodua), a title which has come over time to be conventionally ascribed to his direct successors as the recognised political leader of the elders and young members of the Yoruba nation of Nigeria.
Chief Obafemi Awolowo was born on March 6, 1909 in Ikenne, present day Ogun State Nigeria.[3] His father was a farmer and sawyer who died when Obafemi was only seven years old. He attended various schools, and then became a teacher in Abeokuta, after which he qualified as a shorthand typist. Subsequently, he served as a clerk at the famous Wesley college, as well as a correspondent for the Nigerian Times.[4] It was after this that he embarked on various business ventures to help raise funds to travel to the UK for further studies.[citation needed] In 1949 Awolowo founded the Nigerian Tribune, the oldest surviving private Nigerian newspaper, which he used to spread nationalist consciousness among his fellow Nigerians.[5]
[edit]Politics
Awolowo was Nigeria's foremost federalist. In his Path to Nigerian Freedom (1947) — the first systematic federalist manifesto by a Nigerian politician — he advocated federalism as the only basis for equitable national integration and, as head of the Action Group, he led demands for a federal constitution, which was introduced in the 1954 Lyttleton Constitution, following primarily the model proposed by the Western Region delegation led by him. As premier, he proved to be and was viewed as a man of vision and a dynamic administrator. Awolowo was also the country's leading social democratic politician.[6] He supported limited public ownership and limited central planning in government.[7] He believed that the state should channel Nigeria's resources into education and state-led infrastructural development.[8] Controversially, and at considerable expense, he introduced free primary education for all in the Western Region, established the first television service in Africa in 1959, and the Oduduwa Group, all of which were financed from the highly lucrative cocoa industry which was the mainstay of the regional economy.
in Western Nigeria
From the eve of independence, he led the Action Group as the Leader of the Opposition at the federal parliament, leaving Samuel Ladoke Akintola as the Western Region Premier. Serious disagreements between Awolowo and Akintola on how to run the western region led the latter to an alliance with the Tafawa Balewa-led NPC federal government. A constitutional crisis led to a declaration of a state of emergency in the Western Region, eventually resulting in a widespread breakdown of law and order.
Excluded from national government, Awolowo and his party faced an increasingly precarious position. Akintola's followers, angered at their exclusion from power, formed the Nigerian National Democratic Party (NNDP) under Akintola's leadership. Having previously suspended the elected Western Regional Assembly, the federal government then reconstituted the body after new elections that brought Akintola's NNDP into power. Shortly afterwards Awolowo and several disciples were arrested, charged, convicted and jailed for conspiring with some Ghanaian authorities under Kwame Nkrumah to overthrow the federal government. [10] The remnants of the Action Group fought the National election of 1965 in alliance with the largely Igbo, and south-eastern NCNC. Amid accusations of fraud from the NCNC-AG camp, the NPC-NNDP won the election; the AG supporters reacted with violent riots in some parts of the Western region. Awolowo was later freed and pardoned by the military administration. He was much later appointed the Federal Commissioner of Finance and Vice-President of the Federal Executive Council, by Yakubu Gowon's military administration. This took place in the unsettled circumstances immediately preceding the Civil War.
[edit]Free Universal Primary Health and Education
Awolowo pioneered free health care till the age of 18 in Nigeria in the Western Region and also free and mandatory primary education. Although, Awolowo failed to win the 1979 and 1983 presidential elections of the Second Republic, he polled the second highest number of votes and his polices of free education and health were carried out throughout all the states controlled by his party, the Unity Party of Nigeria.
[edit]Legacy
Awolowo is remembered for his remarkable integrity, ardent nationalism, principled and virile opposition and dogged federalistic convictions. His party was the first to move the motion for Nigeria's independence in the federal parliament and he obtained internal self-government for the Western Region in 1957. He is credited with coining the name 'naira' for the Nigerian standard monetary unit and helped to finance the Civil War and preserve the federation without borrowing. He built the Liberty Stadium in Ibadan, the first of its kind in Africa; established the WNTV, the first television station in Africa; erected the first skyscraper in tropical Africa: the Cocoa House (still the tallest in Ibadan) and ran a widely-respected civil service in the Western Region.
Goldie Harvey Snatched My Husband, Took His Money and Rendered Him Useless – Ifeoma Harvey
Days
after the painful death of Nigerian singer Goldie Susan Harvey, a woman
has come out accusing the singer of snatching her husband and allegedly
rendering him useless after she took all his money.
According to Ifeoma Harvey who is the former wife of Andrew Harvey, the late singer eloped with the wealthy man to Nigeria where she secretly married him in 2005.
Since then, Ifeoma said Goldie Harvey has rendered the man penny-less and lying sick on the hospital bed in Malaysia.
Read Ifeoma Harvey’s shocking revelation through her best friend Bimbo Alakija below:
Very soon u will hear from d woman Goldie snatched her husband from, Ifeoma Harvey. Search for her on facebook and ask her what transpired between her husband Andrew Harvey and Goldie who used to be Ifeoma’s best friend!
What goes around comes around. When she eloped to Nigeria with her best friend’s husband and got married to him secretly, she never knew dat one day death will come calling. She rendered dat man useless, took all his money and right now Andrew Harvey is lying in d hospital in Malaysia. She went to Malaysia to visit d sick man before going to USA and came back to meet her mysterious death.
According to Ifeoma Harvey who is the former wife of Andrew Harvey, the late singer eloped with the wealthy man to Nigeria where she secretly married him in 2005.
Since then, Ifeoma said Goldie Harvey has rendered the man penny-less and lying sick on the hospital bed in Malaysia.
Read Ifeoma Harvey’s shocking revelation through her best friend Bimbo Alakija below:
Very soon u will hear from d woman Goldie snatched her husband from, Ifeoma Harvey. Search for her on facebook and ask her what transpired between her husband Andrew Harvey and Goldie who used to be Ifeoma’s best friend!
What goes around comes around. When she eloped to Nigeria with her best friend’s husband and got married to him secretly, she never knew dat one day death will come calling. She rendered dat man useless, took all his money and right now Andrew Harvey is lying in d hospital in Malaysia. She went to Malaysia to visit d sick man before going to USA and came back to meet her mysterious death.
Difference Between Men and Women
1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.
5. Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a lot more willing to die.
2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.
5. Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a lot more willing to die.
Whatever good you do to others - Amazing Story
Waleed was a young man, though he was poor financially but was definitely rich in character. One evening, after a long & tiring job he was going back to his home, when he saw an old lady, stranded on the side of the road. Without a second thought Waleed got out from his car, as he had sensed that the lady badly needed help. The lady was very tensed, standing besides her BMW, not knowing what to do.
No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn’t look safe; he looked poor and hungry.
Waleed said to her, “I’m here to help you, ma’am. Why don’t you wait in my car where it’s warm? Till then I will fix your car.”
Being a mechanic, it didn’t take long for Waleed to fix the car.
Waleed just smiled as he closed the bonnet after fixing the car. The lady asked how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her. She already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped. Waleed never thought twice about being paid. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty, who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way.
No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn’t look safe; he looked poor and hungry.
Waleed said to her, “I’m here to help you, ma’am. Why don’t you wait in my car where it’s warm? Till then I will fix your car.”
Being a mechanic, it didn’t take long for Waleed to fix the car.
Waleed just smiled as he closed the bonnet after fixing the car. The lady asked how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her. She already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped. Waleed never thought twice about being paid. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty, who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way.
A MUST READ TESTIMONY SHARED BY A PROFFESSIONAL PROSTITUTE (Just 10mins)
A
lady who was a deadly proffessional prostitute, she does prostitution
for a living and has a lot of customers around. She knew that no man
will never accept her as a wife, so she went to a hospital and told the
doctor to remove her womb so that she will no longer be coming for an
abortion things, she wants to be doing the buisness without a sign of
pregnancy. As the buisness was moving and customers keeps coming, After
some years, the word of God came unpon her, someone introduce the word
of God to her and immediately, she gave her life to Christ and starts
working in the church and becomes dedicated to God. As time goes by, one
of the pastor called her and said 'my sister, 'the lord spoke to me that
u are my wife, i want to marry you.' the lady smiled and said 'Brother,
the lord dint tell u anything or maybe u dint hear him clearly, go back
cause am not even planning to marry any
man. The man came back and say to her again 'the Lord said that u are
my wife'. The lady smiled and narrated her story to him.
CARE FOR YOUR MOTHER NOW (A MUST READ)
“My mum and I were good friends
She was my best friend
She had ONLY me and my younger sister
I lost my dad when I was 6
My mum sent me through primary till university and even paid for my masters
She sponsored my lil sister too
She only had primary school education but she was clever
She was 30 years older than me but we were really close
She sold her land because of many of our bills and fees
She was the best in the world
Whenever I was sad she was sadder
She knew me inside out
My sister later won usa lottery and left us
Me and my mom became very close
On my wedding day, she was crying a lot, I was too
But when I got married I started having problems of my own and slowly I started to forget about her
Whenever she calls me, I will put up an excuse, I used to think all I needed was to send her money as my work and marital worries were stressing
She lived in Eruwa, I live in Lagos I ashamedly refused to bring her to lagos because I think it would be another worry to me and that maybe my husband wouldn’t like her despite me not even asking him
I began to distance myself from her, even though I loved her loads
I kept sending her money but was too busy to visit her in 2years
One day her neighbour phoned me saying she was ill, I talked to her and I sent money for her treatments. After some days, a doctor phoned me saying mama needs attention that she had not been taking her drugs properly and that she had been on her own for two days without care from people around her. I was upset I started asking where was auntie this? and auntie that? And because it was on Wednesday I couldn’t visit her but told the doctor to arrange care and that I would foot the bill and I promised to come over on Friday after work. I arrived Eruwa late Friday evening I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw her. She had aged so quickly and her health was deteriorating.
THIS IS GOOD!
An old story is told of a king in Africa who had a close friend with whom he grew up. The friend had a habit of looking at every situation that ever occurred in his life (positive or negative) and remarking, "This is good!"
One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns for the king. The friend had apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the gun from his friend, the king fired it and his thumb was blown off. Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, "This is good!" To which the king replied, "No, this is NOT good!" and proceeded to send his friend to jail.
About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured him and took him to their village. They tied his hands, stacked some wood, set up a stake and bound him to the stake.
As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the king was missing a thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone that was less than whole. So untying the king, they sent him on his way. As he returned home, he was reminded of the event that had taken his thumb and felt remorse for his treatment of his friend. He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend. "You were right," he said, "it was good that my thumb was blown off." And he proceeded to tell the friend all that had just happened. "And so I am very sorry for sending you to jail for so long. It was bad for me to do this."
One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns for the king. The friend had apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the gun from his friend, the king fired it and his thumb was blown off. Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, "This is good!" To which the king replied, "No, this is NOT good!" and proceeded to send his friend to jail.
About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured him and took him to their village. They tied his hands, stacked some wood, set up a stake and bound him to the stake.
As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the king was missing a thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone that was less than whole. So untying the king, they sent him on his way. As he returned home, he was reminded of the event that had taken his thumb and felt remorse for his treatment of his friend. He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend. "You were right," he said, "it was good that my thumb was blown off." And he proceeded to tell the friend all that had just happened. "And so I am very sorry for sending you to jail for so long. It was bad for me to do this."
MOTHER LOVE: EIGHT LIES OF A MOTHER (A MUST READ!)
Mother U mean the world too me------
EIGHT LIES OF A MOTHER This story begins when I was a child:
I was born poor. Often we hadn't enough to eat. Whenever we had some food, Mother often gave me her portion of rice. While she was transferring her rice into my bowl, she would say "Eat this rice, son! I'm not hungry." This was Mother's First Lie.
As I grew, Mother gave up her spare time to fish in a river near our house; she hoped that from the fish she caught, she could give me a little bit more nutritious food for my growth. Once she had caught just two fish, she would make fish soup. While I was eating the soup, mother would sit beside me and eat what was still left on the bone of the fish I had eaten; my heart was touched when I saw it. Once I gave the other fish to her on my chopstick but she immediately refused it and said, "Eat this fish, son! I don't really like fish. “This was Mother's Second Lie.
I was born poor. Often we hadn't enough to eat. Whenever we had some food, Mother often gave me her portion of rice. While she was transferring her rice into my bowl, she would say "Eat this rice, son! I'm not hungry." This was Mother's First Lie.
As I grew, Mother gave up her spare time to fish in a river near our house; she hoped that from the fish she caught, she could give me a little bit more nutritious food for my growth. Once she had caught just two fish, she would make fish soup. While I was eating the soup, mother would sit beside me and eat what was still left on the bone of the fish I had eaten; my heart was touched when I saw it. Once I gave the other fish to her on my chopstick but she immediately refused it and said, "Eat this fish, son! I don't really like fish. “This was Mother's Second Lie.
New Company Policy
Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon.
We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon.
We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offenders Category”. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company’s mental health policy.
Lunch Break
Skinny people get 60 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 10 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience -
Management.
NICE STORY!
An old man lived alone in small village in India . He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man sent a telegram to his son and mentioned his situation.
Dear Son,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate doing the garden work due to my old age, moreover your mother is no more, or else we used to do it together I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would have been over.
Shortly, the old man received this telegram:
“For Heaven’s sake, Dad, don’t dig up the garden!! The Guns may be buried there !!!!”
With love
Son
Dear Son,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate doing the garden work due to my old age, moreover your mother is no more, or else we used to do it together I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would have been over.
Shortly, the old man received this telegram:
“For Heaven’s sake, Dad, don’t dig up the garden!! The Guns may be buried there !!!!”
With love
Son
PROMISE ME YOU WON'T CRY
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10 THINGS MEN SECRETLY WANT FROM THE WOMAN THEY LOVE
1. TO BE RESPECTED!
Every man wants to be respected more than anything else. Where women thrive on being loved, men thrive on being respected. There is nothing worse to a man than having his judgement and abilities questioned. This doesn’t mean you can’t lovingly give your man feedback on how to be a better boyfriend/husband or even on how to be a better person. It’s just that you shouldn’t do it in a way that demeans or makes him feel inadequate. Criticism should always be of a constructive nature and should happen in private. Never criticize or put down your man in public. It will only make him feel disrespected and leave him feeling bitter and wounded.
You should: Let your man know how much you respect, appreciate, and admire him. Lavishing your man with compliments about what a “man” he is can do wonders for your relationship. Sure it’s an ego thing, but it isn’t much different than when your man showers you with compliments on how beautiful you look.
2. TO BE FLIRTED WITH!
Men love playful banter with women. We love the individual attention, the animated and lighthearted back-and-forth, and especially the feeling that comes with making women smile. It was the initial flirting that first drew your man’s interest in you. Yet at some point in a relationship, we stop flirting with each other and focus our flirting powers on other people. There is nothing that drives a man crazy more than seeing his significant other openly flirting with another man even as he is deprived of the very thing he craves. I’m sure women feel the same way when they notice their man flirting with some other woman. Flirting (and the lack thereof) is powerful enough force to damage an otherwise perfectly healthy relationship.
You should: Flirt with your man often – especially in public – and avoid flirting with other men while in the presence of your man. It’s probably wise not to flirt at all with other men; just ask yourself if you would be comfortable with his flirting with other women.
3. TO BE DESIRED!
Yes, ladies, we know you love to feel sexy and desired! The truth is that men love to feel that way too. We may not admit it, but we want to be complimented on our appearance and feel like our woman is physically attracted to us. I love when a girlfriend goes into pursuer mode and chases after me. No man wants to feel like his woman is doing him a favor by sleeping with him. If your man doesn’t feel like you’re excited by his physical appearance, you are essentially chipping away at his confidence, making him feel rejected, and ultimately leaving him extremely vulnerable to the advances of another woman.
You should: Initiate intimate moments, tell him how attracted you are to him, and make him feel desirable. Then you can sit back and watch as your sex life takes off.
4. TO BE AN INSIDER!
Ladies, men may lust after women they desire, but they fall in love with women they feel connected to. It is important to develop a genuine friendship with your man. The best way to do this is to let him in on your secrets. It can be frustrating for men when we suspect you only share your intimate secrets, thoughts, desires, and feelings with your girlfriends, while saving your angry venting for us. We may project an image of disinterest in many of the mundane events in your life, but the truth is we want to feel like an insider. We want to feel like your best friend. Now don’t get it twisted and assume I mean you should bombard your man with a full account of everything that happened in your day. That’s not what I mean at all. I’m saying that you should develop a special friendship with your man by regularly engaging him in “deep” conversation. It can be tough for men to talk to other men about our feelings; we need a woman to talk to.
You should: Engage your man in enjoyable conversations where you talk about personal thoughts and feelings. Persuade him to share his thoughts and feelings with you.
5. TO FEEL LIKE A COMEDIAN!
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