SO INSPIRING STORIES !!!

 

 

Let’s find out just how clever you really are….

 

Ready? GO!!!

 

 

 

First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

 

Try not to screw up next time.

Now answer the second question,

but don’t take as much time as you took for the first question, OK ?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Second Question:

If you overtake the last person, then you are……?

 

 

You’re not very good at this, are you?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Third Question:

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

My parents helped us in every way; my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!

There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear.

It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Rajo Verma, 21, lives in a one-room shack with all five, sleeping with a different one each night on a rota. The housewife has no idea which one is the father of her toddler son. She said: “Initially it felt a bit awkward. But I don’t favour one over the other.” I am not so sure if this is due to scarcity of women in their community, but they seem to have come to some sought of understanding, so how does this woman know who the father of her kids

Husband Guddu, 21 – the first to make her his bride insisted: “We all have sex with her but I’m not jealous. We’re one big happy family.” Guddu and Rajo got married in an arranged Hindu marriage four years ago and he remains her only official spouse.

But the custom in their village is she had to take as husbands his brothers Bajju, 32, Sant Ram, 28, Gopal, 26, and Dinesh – who married her last year when he turned 18.
Eldest brother Bajju said: “I consider her my wife and sleep with her like my brothers.” Rajo cooks, cleans and looks after 18-month-old Jay while her hubbies go out to work in Dehradun, northern India.

She said of the ancient tradition, called polyandry: “My mother was also married to three brothers so when I got wed I knew I had to accept all of them as my husbands.

“I sleep with them in turn. We don’t have beds, just lots of blankets on the floor.
“I get a lot more attention and love than most wives.”

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Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

At the friends party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” The other replied, “Yes I am, I married the wrong man.”

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished.

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor’s degree and the woman gets her master’s.

A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” And the father replied, “I don’t know, son, I’m still paying.”

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?

Dad: That happens in every country, son.

Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late.”

Married life is frustrating. The first year of marriage, the man speaks And the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.”

The husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.”

It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.

A woman was telling her friend , “It is I who made my husband a millionaire.”

“And what was he before you married him.” Asked the friend.

The woman replied, ” A billionaire”.

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First Lady Patience Jonathan Admits Undergoing Nine Surgeries In One Month As Lavish Thanksgiving Party Shuts Down Abuja About 5000 guests, including 18 state governors, have overrun Abuja for a lavish thanksgiving party thrown for Nigeria’s First Lady, Patience Jonathan, at a cost of N500 million. Although she had previously denied being in hospital in Germany, Mrs. Jonathan opened up today at a special service at the Aso Rock Chapel, stunning worshippers with the admission her medical condition had been very serious. “I actually died,” Premium Times quoted her as testifying. “I passed out for more than a week. My intestine and tummy were opened.” She said her doctors had actually given up hope, although she did not specify her diagnosis. “It was God himself in His infinite mercy that said I will return to Nigeria. God woke me up after seven days.” During her six weeks away from Nigeria last year, the presidency refused to say anything to the country about her condition. Upon her return to Abuja on October 17, Mrs. Jonathan denied having been in any hospital. “I don’t even know that hospital they are talking about…” she said on that occasion. “I do not have any terminal illness or cosmetic surgery.”
For today’s thanksgiving merriment, an organising committee chaired by Mr. John Kennedy Okpara raised over N500m, which would most likely be presented to Mrs. Jonathan as a gift, as the presidency is bankrolling the event. The thanksgiving, which is being broadcast live on the National Television Authority’s (NTA) local and international channels, has such dignitaries as President Goodluck Jonathan; Vice President Namadi Sambo and his wife, Haj Amina; former Ghana President John Agyekum Kufour; former Nigeria Head of State, General Yakubu Gowon; and Aisha Babangida, who is representing her ailing father and former military president, General Ibrahim Bademasi Babangida. Also in attendance are members of the Federal Executive Council; wives of state governors; the wife of Senate President; the Deputy Senate President; Deputy Speaker Emeka Ihedioha; members of the National Assembly; the Secretary to the Government of the Federation, Anyim Pius Anyim; the Head of the Federal Civil Service, Alhaji Bello Sali; the President of the Christian Association of Nigeria; and several members of the international community.

A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist.

She asks her class if they’re atheists too.

Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks.

There is, however, one exception. A beautiful girl named Zainab has not gone along with the crowd.

The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. “Because I’m not an atheist.”

Then, asks the teacher, “What are you?” “I’m a Muslim.”

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Zainab why she is a Muslim. “Well, I was brought up knowing and loving God. My mom is a Muslim, and my dad is a Muslim, so I am a Muslim.”

The teacher is now angry. “That’s no reason,” she says loudly, “what if your mom was a moron,and your dad was a moron, – what would you be then?” She paused, and smiled.

“Then,” says Zainab, “I’d be an atheist.”

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Q: What is the difference between a man who is buying a lottery ticket and a man who is arguing with his wife?

A: Lottery ticket buyer has still some chances to win!!

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Engineer: Please drag folder to the right of the screen..

Funny client: Sir, your right or mine?

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Grandson: What is the secret of happy and satisfied married life?

Grandfather: My dear, It is still a secret!

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A dumb man was removing two wheels from his car.

His friend asked him: what are you doing??

Dumb Man: Can’t you see the board, “Parking for two wheelers only”!!!

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator, “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies, “Take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, “OK, now what?”

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The Japan’s prime minister, Yoshihiko Noda was poor in English language. Hence one month before going to USA,to visit President Obama, he was given some Basic English Conversation training.
The instructor told Yoshihiko, “ Prime Minister, when you shake hands with President Obama, please say, ‘How are you?’
Then Mr. Obama will say, ‘I’m fine, and you?’
Now you should say, ‘Me too.’
Afterwards we, translators, will do all the work for you.”
It looked quite simple and Yoshihikio was quite confident.
When he met Obama, he mistakenly said, “Who are you?”